You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. – Buddha
I Choose Self-Love
In spite of that or despite it, I still choose to love myself as I am. It was hard for the longest time. I couldn’t, or wouldn’t love myself as I am. If I didn’t improve, or become someone different, I couldn’t love myself.
If I was someone different, someone I admired, someone on television, someone my parents admired, then once I got there, I would love myself. Until that point, self-loathing and degradation were the only options.
And because I couldn’t or wouldn’t love myself, I didn’t let anyone love me. My parents were doomed. Because they would love me no matter what – I didn’t trust their love. They were ‘supposed’ to love me – they are after all who created me.
Just like God (or the universe or supreme force) loves us no matter what as he created us – my parents loved me the same.
But anyone else – my friends, or partners, or anyone else who came into my life, wasn’t allowed to truly love me.
I reminded them constantly that I couldn’t be loved – I was flawed. For some reason, I was flawed, but they weren’t. They could be loved by me, but I couldn’t be loved by anyone.
How Did The Shift To Self-love Take Place?
Maybe it was a long time coming. Maybe the years of yoga, meditation, self-help books, frustration, drama, crying, and emotions were all leading up to this point in time where I could finally love myself.
But I would say it was just a switch in my thinking.
One day I needed to be perfect to be loved.
The next, I decided I was lovable even though I was flawed.
Such a switch it was!
All of a sudden, I started taking care of my tender heart, even though it was broken. I started taking care of my body and giving it time to heal, when it was hurt (instead of making it work harder). Also, I started taking care of what I said to myself in my mind – self-talk changed rapidly.
Not only that, I started taking care of what I said about myself in public – that one is still hard as I have a tendency to put myself down in public, no matter what I think of myself in private.
Just The First Step
The journey is long and arduous, and this is just the first step.
Acknowledging that you are lovable. And, that you deserve love, no matter what you are, who you are, and where you are.
I have a long way to go, I realize that. But I am so glad, I am starting off where I am.
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