I have found it easier to identify with the characters who verge upon hysteria, who were frightened of life, who were desperate to reach out to another person. But these seemingly fragile people are the strong people really. – Tennessee Williams
I have been on a job hunt since I was let go from my previous role in September 2014. I have been searching and interviewing and dealing with the frustrations of a job hunt. Recently, I found this company that seemed like the ideal company for me. It was perfect in every regard. I decided to offer my services for free for two weeks to a month to the CEO, so they could test out my skills for no obligation on their part.
I was talking about this with a few friends and they all told me the same thing, ‘Job hunting is like dating. You don’t want to seem too desperate.’
I thought to myself, when did showing enthusiasm and eagerness for a position or a person, turn into desperation? Just because I am fond of a certain person, and I show them that fondness by being happy when they are around or doing nice things for them, doesn’t mean that I am showing desperation.
And just because I am fond of a job or role, and I want to show them my skills to get a foot in the door, doesn’t mean that I am desperate.
Why do we all have to be automatons showing no emotions, staying stock still and becoming monotonous?
Any kind of flashy behaviour, or show of emotions, is becoming unacceptable. Everyone should just shut up, sit down and be lady-like (or gentleman-like). We aren’t humans anymore – we are more like Stepford wives. Perfect, emotionless, robotic.
Anyone who does start showing too much emotion, movement or feeling, is cut-off. They are too ‘intense’. They are too ‘flashy’. They are ‘too much’. They need to ‘chill out’. They need to be cool and collective like Gwyneth Paltrow (I have been told once).
I have been told, I need to be flavorless and bland. I need to stamp down on anything that is ‘too human’ in me. Too much emotion is bad. Too much feeling is bad. Too much of anything is bad.
Staying at a colourless zero-axis is the way to live this life. Do not love too much. Do not be too much. Do not do too much.
Why are we all so intent on going to this middle ground? I have found the best times of my life have come when I am doing something really intensely to the exclusion of everything? I feel the most when I am loving something or someone to the best of my ability.
I want to be intense. I want to be too much.
If I seem desperate, that is absolutely fine with me.
At least, I will feel like I am living as humanly as possible. Cutting myself off from my high emotions and feelings isn’t the way for me to live. I can’t do it. If that means, that I am cut off from the rest of the sane world, then so be it.
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