We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict. – Jim Morrison
I had heard of the Trinity Bellwood Block Party on Facebook and I was interested to go check it out.
I hoped on the TTC and came downtown in a jiffy.
Once I was downtown, roaming around was refreshing. Lots of people abound, walking around with lovers, or friends, or family. I noticed finally that I was one of the few people walking around on my own. I instantly felt sorry for myself. It was too bad Thenix was busy with work, and I had to roam around without his beautiful body next to mine. I decided I would call around to see if anyone was available to spend the day with me downtown. It was a warm, sunny day. I assumed it wouldn’t be hard to induce someone to come and hang with me.
I called, and texted, and cajoled anyone that I could find on my phone. No one was free. I was devastated. First of all, I felt terrible because I felt horrible that I couldn’t find one person to hang out with me on such a great day. Second of all, I felt sad because I was alone. At first, being solitary became a kind of stigma to me. Everyone is going to look at me and laugh. They will think I am not good enough to find friends, or be with other people. Of course, everyone around was too busy enjoying the day to think anything or anyone else.
Once I got over this miserable status of mine as a lonely spinster, I decided to enjoy this day on my own.
It had been ages since I had been in downtown Toronto.
It had been a long time also since I was able to roam around freely, at my own pace, without someone hurrying me along. I ambled along in my slow manner, looking at everything, and everyone. I stopped at street vendors to check out their wares. I got a free Coconut water from O.N.E. representatives giving them out. I sat down at a great Dimsum restaurant in Chinatown with a good book and ate my way through five plates of delicious dimsum. I ordered what I wanted, took my time eating through the selection, and was content.
Even though, I had begun the day with companionship in mind, I am so glad that it ended up being a solitary venture.
Being alone with my thoughts was extremely gratifying. I had my fill of people-watching, standing at street corners and watching the world go by.
Noticing people looking at me, and instead of looking away, I gave them a smile, resulting in me getting a smile in return.
I gave some coins to a few homeless people roaming around. I gave away my leftover chicken bones to a dog owned by one of the homeless guys.
All in all, it was a perfect day. Solitariness is something I fear. I don’t know why because I always end up enjoying myself on these solo walks. I really need to learn to let go of this fear, and take the bull by the horns next time I end up alone on a walk through a beautiful city.
– This post has been published in Toronto.
If you haven’t heard of the Big Trip yet, you are in for a treat. Boom & Thenix are driving a 1998 Honda Civic down to the southern most tip of South America, through the West Coast of the US, Mexico, Central and South America. We left on July 17th for this amazing adventure with the help of our sponsor Wise24. For a map of our trip so far, please click here. If you have questions about costs, visas, or anything else trip-related, please see our post on The Big Trip or check out our Archives. Add us to Google+.
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