In short, no pattern is an isolated entity. Each pattern can exist in the world only to the extent that is supported by other patterns: the larger patterns in which it is embedded, the patterns of the same size that surround it, and the smaller patterns which are embedded in it. – Christopher Alexander
I love my life. I really do.
There’s always so much going on. Anyone looking at me will never think that I have an exciting life. I am mostly an introvert, I am quiet, I like to cook and read, I like to walk around the city by myself and observe, I don’t go out to eat a lot, or go clubbing that often, and I am not a celebrity of any sort. So from the outside it looks like there’s nothing going on. But on the inside, I have a wild and rich life. I am always thinking, gaining perspective and learning, and moving upward and onward with my personal growth goals.
Recently, I was sitting in a coffee shop in Kensington Market, called Cafe Pamenar. It’s a great little spot to sit and people watch and enjoy a great cup of coffee. I was sitting there with one of my soul mates, Liz. Like most of my soulmates, I met her randomly in the most opportune of ways. A million different patterns had to come together for us to meet up, but because we had to meet, we did. The universe is funny like that. Even if something seems improbable, if it is meant to happen, it will.
Liz and I were chatting as usual at this cafe about life and its vagaries. One of the things I was telling her is that I have been breaking a lot of patterns this beautiful year of 2015. It started off with me spending New Year’s Eve partying downtown with my sister and a bunch of random friends, strangers, and acquaintances. I never do that – knowing that the start was so auspicious, I knew the year was off to a banging start.
Some of the other patterns I broke were as follows:
- I moved into my own condo downtown Toronto on January (7th to be exact). I have always always wanted to live downtown on my own in a beautiful condo, and I did it finally! Even though at the time, I had no job, and no prospects of getting one. I lived off of my credit line and studied options trading 12 hours a day. I lived on my own for the very first time (no roommates) – I thought I would be lonely, but I wasn’t. I loved every minute of it.
- I spent a lot of time in solitude, meditating, walking, and sitting. It had been a while since I had been alone like this and I gained a lot of insights due to this amazing alone time.
- I actually started purchasing new items for myself. I am an under-buyer (according to Gretchen Rubin’s definition). I never buy new things for myself if I can avoid it, but for the first time in years, I started buying new things. New bathroom mats that are absolutely perfect and cozy. New shoes that I liked and bought on a whim (not after days of desperate deliberation) and wore with gusto and pleasure. A new/old bicycle – a beautiful vintage Raleigh – the kind of bike that I dreamed of for ages – I absolutely love her. Etc.
- I stopped spending time with people who didn’t love me utterly and absolutely. Anyone who bought negativity into my life or didn’t bring something awesome into my life was eliminated – I know that sounds harsh, but it was the only way I was going to make space for new awesome folks.
These are just some of the ways that I broke old patterns of living
The pattern I was telling Liz about was the one that was the most important one for me. I stopped trying to make people love me. I have a tendency to stay with men who don’t love me. Then convince, convince, convince them that they should be with me. An absolutely exhausting, trying experience that drains me. I said, no more. IF you don’t love me, then you don’t deserve my awesomeness. If you don’t see my generous, loving nature, with your own, then I am not wasting my time or beautiful energy on you.
Wow, what a pattern to break!
Makes me a little teary-eyed just thinking of it. Liz said something really interesting at this point that I want to share. She heard somewhere that we are all living in cycles. The same cycles repeated over and over again (patterns). Until something major happens to shift us out of these patterns. Then we start a new cycle and repeat that cycle until something changes.
We are always living in cycles!
… following some sort of natural cycle gives a spiritual practice, without any religion attached, that is a continuous reminder of the bigger picture of nature and how we are always living a cycle, regardless of physical elements. – Susan Paget.
Everything in life and nature is cycles. We just forget sometimes that we are part of this nature, and these cycles. Observe the cycles in your life. If the cycles aren’t serving you, break or stop them. If they are, keep and embrace them.