Coming out of the closet

I am a private person. I think everyone is. No one likes to be open. To be out in the open with everything they feel, think and do. Everything they want to do with their time and life. Everything that they feel, sexually, emotionally, physically. What they think about in their deepest, darkest moments. You wish to be a closed book, so that people cannot ridicule you.

You are safe from the probes of others, because you only let them know what you want them to know.

You pretend to be easy-going and open. I do as well, but who really is?
Being private is actually a good thing. You are protecting yourself, your vulnerabilities from the thorns of the world. The world is ready to prick you the minute it feels your weakness. It isn’t a cruelty thing, it is a survival of the fittest thing. It is an evolution thing.

It is a real world thing.

Everyone has techniques in order to remain closed, only give out the information that makes them seem cool, a little bit vulnerable, and still keeps them safe. I use the technique of questions. I ask questions, lots and lots of them. I try to always put the spotlight on the other person. They are more interesting. They have more to say than me. It isn’t that I don’t care about them. I do care about what they have to say. But also, I care about not divulging much. I want to be safe.
The more I blog though, and the more I share my blog with people I know, in an attempt to be open, I find that this safety net is tearing slowly. The holes are getting bigger and more of my safety catches are slipping out. The first time someone talked to me about one of my posts, I was embarrassed. I blushed at the thought of them reading my private thoughts. But then they made a comment about something they read. I listened and I learned. It was insightful. I was getting someone else’s perspective on my issues, my life, my demons. I felt the safety net break completely, but I learnt that I didn’t need it anymore.

The insights that I would receive from the people who know me, would be far more valuable than being closed off.

Thus, I look forward to more and more content being pulled to pieces by the ones that know me and love me.

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